if a disciple has a proper perspective on their position, then this should never happen. we should never take our relationship with Jesus as some way to show off to others. it should never be about us; not at any point in time. we should know as followers of Christ, that our part in things is minimal at best, and that those efforts we make add up to a great big goose egg if God isn’t the one leading the work, and getting the glory for the work. and if that work is for our own glorification, then it is also not based in love, and we know full well how God feels about empty ceremony and public shows of ‘faith.’

i volunteered to do something that i don’t think i will ever do again. it wasn’t a bad thing, but it was a hazard to my ego. i was asked to portray Jesus in our church’s children’s musical for Christmas. all i has to do was walk in from stage left, pat on a few of the kids’ heads, make my way off the platform down into the audience greeting as i walked on out of the back door. all of this was done during the chorus of a song, so i didn’t even have much time to move from the front to the back of the worship center.

hear me out here…i am not saying this to give an impression of my personal humility. proclamations of humility nullify the act of being humble. i said yes to be accommodating. i like to help out whenever and wherever i can, and considering that two of my kids were slated to be in the choir during the performance, i was going to be there anyway. that being said, as the day grew closer, i became more and more uncomfortable being the one to portray Jesus. the weight of what that meant was bearing down on me, and it was difficult to bear.

the night of the performance, i selected an appropriate costume: a plain unbleached cotton tunic. rolled up my jeans so they couldn’t be seen poking out at the bottom, removed my shoes & socks, and waited in the wings until it was time for the walkthrough.

i didn’t have to say anything. i just had to walk, and love on people like Jesus might do passing through a crowd.

that alone was a lot.

i have a very good idea of just who i am. i know each and every one of my failings and flaws all too well. before i went out i asked God to forgive me if i did anything that would misconstrue His Son, confessed my sins to Him, and begged Him to forgive me so that for those brief moments that I passed through the crowd, that I may have no sins on my heart, and be as close to portraying Jesus to them as i could be…

…

i don’t plan on doing that again.

i know i have the long-ish hair and a beard thing going on. and some people at church call me “red headed Jesus” for fun. and i’m okay with that for the most part. but i take representing Him very seriously. some may say i took things a little too seriously. but if i am going to err, i would rather err in Jesus’ favor.

i wish i took it that seriously every day.

that is where i fall short. i do not bear the burden of representing Christ on a daily basis in the way i did for the program. i am not mindful of my own ego, and just who i represent from the time i wake up, until i lay back down again.

that is where i need to find a proper sense of perspective. living for Jesus shouldn’t be a burden as much as it comes to legalism, and adding in man made rules. we are free in Christs Jesus in ways that we could never experience outside of His loving-kindness, grace and mercy.

but we don’t want to hold Him too lightly, either. where do we stop and say ‘this is proper’ and ‘ this is not’ when it comes to representing Him on a day to day basis?

i know that i am prone to legalism more so than to freedom. things are either profitable in our lives as Christians, or they are not. i don’t like gray areas in my theology. but i also need to live according to His will and purpose, not according to some system i set up for myself.

Father, forgive me. i fall short every day in representing your Son. help me to lose myself, so that You are who is seen. amen.