(unmarked journal entry – presumably from luke 7)

i’m kind of a davey downer when it comes to humanity, and myself in particular. the sinful man in each of us stands out to me so much. i am quick to pass judgment on motives (though not the soul) and often i am also at fault for selling myself and others short.

oh, me of little faith…

i forget about the compassion. i am quick to forgive, but not quick to be understanding. sin is so obvious that willful disobedience will not gain any tolerance from me. my compassion ends, but thankfully, God has given me the ability to love through it all, and the desire to help reconcile. God’s own love and mercy, in the midst of our rebellion, still amazes me. the depth of his compassion, the sheer enormity of His grace will always leave me astounded.

we are so undeserving, but that is what makes grace so amazing, wonderful and rich.

praise God!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

ever since i started taking spiritual gifts assessments back in middle school, mercy has always been one of my lowest, if not the lowest gift on my list. if someone does something, that in my eyes is monumentally stupid, i will not feel sorry for them for making that choice. but i will be more than happy to help them stand back up again. i’m not going to hold it against them, but i will not feel sorry for them…and i’m not real happy about that.

this has been a fault of mine for too long, but i’m not real sure about how to go about fixing it. yes, i do need to ask God to help me have mercy in my heart. that’s step one, for certain. but i’m not sure what i need to do on my end. i have spent enough time and effort trying to make sure that i do not make those kind of decisions in my life, that i am amazed when people do things where the bad consequences are so obvious. i’m not in their shoes, maybe i don’t understand the situations they are in, but being in a rough situation doesn’t justify poor behavior. i’m just going to stop there so i don’t begin a rant…

i just need to spend more time asking God for help with this one. i’m not going to find any help seeking within myself…

i want to have the heart of Christ for everyone around me. i want to see them as He does. i think that is the ultimate goal here.

Lord, have mercy.

Christ, have mercy.

Spirit, have mercy & open my eyes.

forgive my stubborn heart.

amen.