Ever had someone try to offer you deeply profound advice at a time when you just needed something specific and easy to hear? “Ah, my friend, you know that the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.” Really? Thanks. Super helpful.

Instead of what we need, something real, something practical, our friends try to over spiritualize, over think and over do it when it comes to advice. Sometimes simple is best. When your friend is suffering, struggling with the deep and distracting travails of life it probably best not to use that time to make yourself look better or sound smarter, ya know?

But that’s what we tend to do isn’t it? We don’t know what to say to them and so we wind up talking about ourselves. It’s easier. We compare life notes, we share our own struggles, and how we dealt with them. We have the benefit of the 30,000 ft overhead view of our whole situation while they’re slogging through the worst of it. We can oversimplify, overcomplicate, talk about anything and everything else that comes to mind when maybe, just maybe, we simply need to be present with them.

I am super guilty of this myself. I’m a guy. I compartmentalize. I try to be objective, and maybe my friend just needs me to listen. Maybe if I say anything at all, it just needs to focus on the next step, or even what it will take to lift their foot to begin to think about taking that step. In the name of trying to give good advice, we often give terrible advice, because we aren’t present in the situation with our friend. Maybe what they need is someone to just take that one step with them. I know I’ve been there, too, and recently.

Thank God for good friends who can come alongside of us in our struggles, encourage us, be present for us, and not necessarily try to fix everything in that moment as if life was a sitcom with 30 minute resolutions.

Jesus walks with Peter, James and John everyday. Peter is Captain Obvious, pops off at the mouth and says some pretty brash stuff on a regular basis. But rather than take on all of Peter’s problems and foibles, Jesus loves him that day and offers direction for that moment. Sometimes we see Jesus speaking a long term solution or pathway to Peter, but more often than not, He’s present with him in that moment of brokenness. And on the beach, over those smoked fish and watching the sun come up, Jesus speaks both into Peter’s present hurt andante his future as a leader of other broken people.

Last year, I was in a pretty rough place. I was feeling raw and vulnerable. I was feeling pretty worthless, and was dealing with some deep-seated hurts. But we had some awesome Christian friends who sat with us in church, had us over to their house and never once asked anything to bring up those hurts. That wasn’t what we needed in that moment. What we needed were a few people to take the next steps of ‘normal life’ with us, and that went a long way with our healing. May God provide us all with those good relationships when we need them, and us for them when they need us. It a beautiful opportunity to be the hands and feet of Jesus as we walk in the rhythms of His grace together.