²² Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, ²⁶ that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷ so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. ²⁸ In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ³⁰ because we are members of his body. ³¹ “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” ³² This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. ³³ However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Ephesians 5:22-33 ESV

Oh how our flesh rebels. When we are told how we ought to love, show mutual respect, give up our selves, and in a heart of service, die to that self for the benefit of our dearest companion…people get angry. There is a natural resistance in our flesh to submission. Whether we talk about the wife’s submission to her husband, or the husband’s death to self for the sake of his wife, there is often pushback. 

People who lack insight, who reject the Holy Spirit, and the whole counsel of Scripture look at this passage and see a “draconian” religious rite, a throwback to ancient, backwards beliefs, and they champion the celebration of self. Where Christ’s example throughout the passage is love, care, a desire for wellbeing and holiness, the world sees a soul-crushing rejection of the other, and a near-to-slavery subjection. Again, as we read through the passage with wisdom, as the Lord provides it, we find that the core of this passage is truly about Jesus Christ and His church. 

The world, lost in sin and prideful arrogance, can only celebrate sin. As Christians, we choose what we celebrate. This passage celebrates the loving kindness, concern, and desire for growth, holiness and well-being of the church, as Christ performs His ministry over her. It is so worth celebrating that we mimic it in our most intimate relationship, that of a husband and wife. As the church submits to Christ, so we submit to one another, and in a way that honors the image of God revealed in them. 

A wife’s submission to her husband is not a call to be “barefoot and pregnant” waiting on him hand and foot with no personal identity or respect for herself. That would be to answer the flesh, not the Spirit. We don’t see Jesus belittling women, but rather lifting them up. Where women were not qualified to speak as witnesses in court in His day, Jesus chooses to call a woman, Mary Magdalene, to be the first witness to His resurrection, delivering the Gospel to the sorrowful and hopeless apostles. We cannot see Jesus, who made the woman at the well, shamed and lowly in the sight of others, the town crier for the Good News in Samaria, as someone who is calling women to humiliate themselves before a tyrant husband. Instead, He calls women to new life, following His own direction and example. So we choose to celebrate His submission by submitting ourselves as He already has. Jesus calls us to walk where He has already gone Himself.

^“5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, ⁶ who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, ⁷ but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. ⁸ And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”

Philippians 2:5-9

And as a husband is called to love his wife, answering her deepest, heart-felt need, he is also called to follow the example of Christ, who “gave Himself up for her.” (v25) This is love, that we remove our own desires, our own wants and needs, so that someone else might benefit. This selflessness is beautiful, humble, flesh-denying, and reflects the heart of Christ as He labored up the hill of Golgotha. Again, this isn’t a feet-up-in-the-LazyBoy-get-me-my-dinner mentality. Our Savior is not so shallow nor needy.

We cannot put the brokenness of our flesh up as the example of what Paul means in this passage.

Instead, we choose to celebrate His humility, His loving-kindness, and we do so by dedicating our lives to make sure that our wives are the best they can be in Him. Husbands, then, seek out this working-out of our salvation in the lives of those whom God has entrusted to us. Yes, there must be leadership. There must be direction. It would not do, for the people of God, to seek to honor Him, but with no deference to His authority. So, if Christ calls on the husband to lead, then lead he must, but not from the flesh. Instead, he leads from the Spirit, and in the humility of Christ, leaving the flesh behind in favor of the pursuit of His holiness in the life of his wife. And he cannot lead her somewhere he is not already going Himself. This is a weighty responsibility. 

^“12 Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, ¹³ for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.

¹⁴ Do all things without grumbling or disputing, ¹⁵ that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, ¹⁶ holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain.”

Philippians 2:12-16

As is clearly seen, this passage in Ephesians 5 is primarily about the relationship of Jesus Christ to His bride, the Church. Paul states as much in verse 32. But because this relationship is so beautiful, so inspirational, so indicative of the heart of God Himself, we must look at our own lives, and imitate that love that has been poured out over us.

There is no room for ugliness, pettiness, pride, or arrogance in the life of God’s people. So, we cannot place our distorted, fallen flesh up as the example of what ought to be done. This is not Fred & Wilma Flintstone, sitcom based distortions of reality and relationship that we’re following after. Instead, we look to Christ, and we walk as He walks. We choose to celebrate Him alone, and then we revel in the work He does in us.

As Christians, we live in perpetual thanksgiving to the One who called us from death to life. As Christians, we choose to live a life of worship and celebration of the One who redeemed us from the pit of our own sin. In Him we find life, light, hope, joy, peace, and all other good things that reveal the providential love of God to a dead, and decaying world. We cannot allow secular culture to distort and distract from what is good, and right, and best…the example of Christ lived out amongst His people. And this must be echoed in the home, in the family unit, which God has established as the building block of human society. We must protect it, and seek to honor Christ above all. 

“1 I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. ² Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. ³ For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.

Romans 12:1-3