Have you ever been in the situation where you had a friend or coworker, a classmate or a family member who had a need you weren’t equipped to handle? I think we can all answer with a resounding “YES!” to this question. But, in that moment, how did you feel when you came up short of being able to help? Where did your heart retreat to? Where did your attitude drift to?

There are some pretty common responses to this scenario. When we’re ignorant of how to help, we can:

• Get quiet
• Cry
• Get scared
• Panic
• Get frustrated
• Withdraw
• Get angry
• Point out errors in the other person
• Accuse them
• Question them

We know we should

• Pray
• Point them toward Jesus
• Help them find resources
• Connect them with church leaders
• Open up the Bible for encouragement
• Pray some more

But we all respond the way we’ve been trained to respond. And most churches I know don’t have a class based around “unexpected life scenarios” to equip people ahead of time for moments like this. We usually stumble through it in the moment and learn form it afterward.

This is where daily Bible study, regular prayer and scripture memorization come in clutch.

You see, people don’t need you and I to come up with some amazing answer out of our own head or experience. People don’t need our limited, flawed human wisdom as the first response. If we’re in Christ, we know our first response should be to pause and listen, then to respond with compassion and then go immediately into prayer. Those three steps will always start that moment off on the right foot, it doesn’t matter what has happened if we will go through those essential motions with the other person or people, they will feel heard, and you can feel confident that you gave them a good response.

Again:

Pause and listen.

Respond with compassion.

Pray with them.

And here’s why. When we Pause and Listen we are setting aside our need to be the “expert” in the moment. We don’t interrupt. We refrain from interjection. We eschew escalation. We are simply present with them. If they can say what they need to say in 3 minutes, that’s great. If they need 10-15. That’s fine. Let them know you want to hear what they have to say, that you won’t jump in to interject, and give them space to explain their need.

Then when we Respond with Compassion we connect with them in their moment of trouble. We’re not the authority coming down on them. We’re not piling judgment on their troubled mind. When we say “Oh my, that sounds so hard.” or “I can’t even understand what that must feel like for you.” they know they have been heard. “I’m so sorry you’re struggling like this right now.” lets them hear that you are a safe person to talk to, and if they need to dig a little deeper later (because you helped them establish trust) they will feel more likely to open up.

And as we move to Pray with Them we’re letting them know we care enough to go to God with them and for them. This gift of listening, proper response and prayer reveals a marker of maturity that says “I’m not a professional counselor, therapist or mediator for your circumstance, but I know Who I always go to first in times of trouble.” When we pray, we reveal where our hope comes from. When we go to God, we’re laying down a pathway of testimony for them to follow along. When they see you have a hope they might not have right then, a peace they long for, and an authority to seek answers from, you’re giving them one of the best gifts you can possibly give.

You are witnessing to their trouble with the witness of your faith. You know God met you in your need, and you know He can meet them in theirs. We can seek out resources and help later. In the moment of confessed need, you and I don’t need to be a hero, an authority or somehow turn the focus on ourselves. Point them toward Jesus Christ through compassion and mercy. Reveal the peace the Holy Spirit brings to you, and seek wisdom from the Father as we’re instructed to do. And in doing this, you’re being the best help in the moment that you can possibly be.

Give them your ear, but give them Jesus.